My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
