About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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