Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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