when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
