I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
