wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
