She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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