thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
