Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
