just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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