My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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