I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
