I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
