you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
