OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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