just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
