It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
