Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize