i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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