I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
