let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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