I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
