Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
