Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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