I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
