When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
