I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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