oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
