Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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