One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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