She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize