No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize