Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
