It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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