I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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