she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
