i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize