The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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