my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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