these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
