Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
