Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
