I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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