it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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