Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
