so that wasnt chicken after all
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
