I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
