why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
