The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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