The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
