He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're a waste of cheezeits
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
