I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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