She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My vagina is very pro this idea
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
