I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Holy shit dude........stairs
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