Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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