stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
