This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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