Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
