don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
