that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
