My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
