My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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