so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
