and you said cock pushups were impossible
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
