I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
