I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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