The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
