I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize