Yo dont text me then not text me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
