Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
