First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
