Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
