i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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