Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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