I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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