i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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