my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm getting married
To pizza
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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