names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
