did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize