hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
