508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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