it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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