I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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