I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
