so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
