i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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