matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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