he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
