you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
