i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
