The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
