oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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