the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
