it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
