I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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