I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
