I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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