Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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