dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
