is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
