You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
