pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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