I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
