I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
