He told me they were just razor bumps!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
