So drunk its hurt
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
