i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
