I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
