I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
one might say we're banned from that church
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
